"Will you help me get my girlfriend back?"

You would be just absolutely amazed at how many emails I get asking the question,


It's truly shocking, it is.  They usually go to the tune of "My girlfriend left me.  She is a big fan of yours. I've tried everything to get her back and nothing's worked.  I just know that if you were to email her and tell her that I love her, that she would listen to you."

I even had a guy once tell me that he was a heroin junkie and that he didn't blame his girlfriend for leaving him because he had done every bad thing to her he could do and put her through a living hell... yet he still wanted her back and asked if I could help.

Well, let me tell you fellas.... I'M ON YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND'S SIDE!!!!

If she left you, I'm guessing there was a damn good reason (especially in the case of that junkie!).  Moreover, think about what you're doing.  Instead of trying to fix the situation by doing something real and tangible in your daily lives, you are reaching out to a total stranger that neither of you knows personally and asking him to fix your life for you.  Dude!  I mean, really. Does that make any sense?  Let's say hypothetically that your girlfriend left you because you're lazy or mean or an awful person or maybe just plain boring.  And I send her a message saying, "So and so really loves you, please give him another chance?" ... on the off chance that she is actually dumb enough to listen to the advice of a total stranger who doesn't know you, what are you to do the next day or the day after that.  Once the initial glow of your romantic gesture wears off, and you go back to seeming like, well the person she felt she should leave, do I need to email her again? Where does it end? Do I eventually have to move in with the two of you? It's just crazy!

My advice to you is to buck up and be a man.  If you've done all you can do to fix the things about yourself she didn't care for and she split anyway, let her go.  Asking strangers to put in a good word for you is... well, really weird.



Jericho Luther April 19, 2012 @02:22 pm
"i'll wait for the day when i finally defile..." XD
Craezeh October 14, 2011 @08:04 pm
I would consider going back to my ex if Voltaire said so, but i would not do it because if I left him, it must have been for a very good reason. Also, asking strangers for help is almost like asking strangers to give you candy...
icieWind August 18, 2011 @10:52 am
realy? guys are asking for your help? seriously... instead of solving their problems are asking for help... grow up people. don't mind them Voltaire they're just children
Ruki August 02, 2011 @08:27 pm
i guess some people are really sad , i mean come on , seriously ? besides why should you care about them in the first place and if you do you are going to be in the awkward position of ... the relationship helper , or something like it . I think some people don't know when to back off and realize there position and mistakes and mostly to admit them because knowing your mistake is the easy part admit it is the difficult part especially for dummies
Madeline S. July 09, 2011 @03:11 am
Oh my gosh, if that happened to me I'd probably tell him the same thing. Even if Voltaire were to send an Email to so and so's girlfriend, doesn't mean she will get back with that guy. I mean sure it would be a cool thing to get an Email from Voltaire saying that, but if I were in that situation..I wouldn't want someone else saying "so and so loves you, so will you please get back with him" I would want the guy to say that because it shows he actually cares and wants you back, but if another guy does that, well it just shows the guy is a fucking pussy and can not do stuff on his own. Oh and by the way, guys must think Voltaire is fucking cupid or something. (:
James Thomas Duffy June 04, 2011 @07:53 am
wow, rly? you get people asking you that? Jesus. Just sad. :/
Summer May 29, 2011 @12:25 am
Pathetic. If an ex of mine did that, I'd kick his ass right off a cliff into an ocean. Then I'd apologize to you for his stupidity. Then I'd check to see if he was dead. If he wasn't, I'd just throw him in a coffin anyway. And I'd write something very rude on it. A word of advice to all guys: DON'T DO THAT. EVER.
Sophia May 26, 2011 @02:58 pm
Un-fucking-believable. Don't these people have friends with whom they could consult for advice on relationships? Or, even better, couldn't they try to TALK to the ex in question if circumstances are such that the relationship might still work?
Luna May 22, 2011 @05:09 pm
You know, I've had a creepy feeling that my ex, Chris may have tried to go through you to get me back. "shudders" Of course I could be wrong....but then again, one of the things that turned me off was the fact he actually told me he wanted to propose to me on YOUR stage during one of you shows. "shudders". Thanks for writing this..
Matthew Hocking May 19, 2011 @04:47 am
See. I may be a bastard, but if I were in your position I'd oblige the person making the request by emailing the girlfriend. Granted, I -would- say in that email 'Your ex is a douche, well done, I'm proud of you.'
Julie May 17, 2011 @01:39 pm
Aww...these poor dudes are just hopin' some of your sexy is gonna rub off on them by association. It can't be easy being such HOT STUFF there, V...they're after your mojo! ;) Haha!
Romano Giovanni May 17, 2011 @09:46 am
"My advice to you is to buck up and be a man." ...Or you could just move in with them...even if they broke up again, they would both be giddy as heck while you were around. Come to think of it, that could be a great new reality show.
dustfull May 17, 2011 @09:15 am
If I got a message from you saying I should get back together with my hypothetical ex, I would email you apologizing for my crazy ex's absurdity >< And then I would kick him in the balls for having wasted your precious time. LET THAT BE A LESSON TO CRAZY EXS: DONT F*CK WITH YOUR ex/GIRLS' IDOLS ><
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